It’s been a long but intentional break from writing. At some point, in the hiatus, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue on this path. Let’s enjoy this while it lasts. 

Last Thursday while I was wrapping up for the day, a colleague asked a very interesting and controversial question- As a lady, assuming you earn two million Naira a month, can you marry a guy who earns two hundred and fifty thousand Naira? See Hot Topic!!! I quickly turned on my phone’s camera.

My department at work is quite an interesting mix of millennial and Gen Z professionals, both married and single. This time, your favourite Cupid’s Mouthpiece took a step back and listened attentively while doing the Lord’s work, capturing every detail of the conversation.

The dialogue begins;

BB: Assuming the lady even earns a million naira, she’s already living to a certain standard. Let’s not even lie about that fact. Her standard of living may drop if she marries a man who earns two hundred and fifty thousand naira. Some ladies won’t even get into a relationship with a man who earns the same as they do.

T.E: In our immediate society right now, most women earn more than guys. I don’t agree that her standard of living will drop. Will she be willing to sacrifice for the guy? The only challenge is that she may be shouldering the major bills. A lot of women can’t do that.

O. O: Why would you go into a relationship with someone you don’t love? Are you marrying for love or money?

U.E & T.O: It’s only love that can make a woman get into that kind of relationship in the first place. 

B.B: So who pays the rent, the school fees?

T.E: She should pay the whole rent since she can afford it. What if it is vice versa? Why are they married?

Me: Okay, what will the man do?

I.H: They’ll both contribute.

S.O: Maybe they agree on what to pay for.

U.E: Exactly, maybe security, cleaning. Take care of the smaller bills.

T.E: The truth is that as a man, you can’t take that for too long. I’ll hustle harder just because the woman is paying.

Me: Hmmm, some men will relax. To be very honest, no woman wants to be the only one taking care of bills in the house, without the man making an effort.

FM: Women have no problem if a man earns two million Naira and she’s earning two hundred and fifty thousand Naira.

Me: Rolling my eyes*

BB: Yes, it can work that way. The man can take care of the bills at home while the woman saves her money for the rainy days.

We all laughed at this point.

FM: Let’s say that before they got married, the man was earning 250k and after they got married the woman got a super job where she started earning 2M and it’s time to pay school fees. Who will pay?

U.E & I.H: The man will pay!

FM: In that 250K?

Me: Laughing* 

I.H: I understand that times are hard and it’s a lot of pressure on a man. I can contribute towards rent and vacation, but school fees? I’ll leave it to the man. The man will have the pride that he trained the children.

BB: Why should a woman be with a man who earns significantly less?

J.C: So if I pay the rent and take care of the other bills in the house will the man cook? Would he do the chores?

T.E: When you’re married and you have kids, certain things won’t come to your head. Why did you guys decide to get married if you knew that one party couldn’t handle it?

K.O: It’s easier said from the outside, when you get in you understand better. Let’s assume that before we got married, I was earning 80K, while he was earning 200K. Now that we are married, I’m earning way more than my husband. My life has changed for the betterment of my family, not just for me as an individual.

Everyone cheers KO and disperses. It’s close of business.

Will I marry a man who earns less than I do? No, because I’ve once been in a relationship with a man who earned less and I know what I dealt with. I was fine with us splitting bills whenever we went on dates because I knew his financial capability  (osheey understanding girlfriend). I soon realized that he was taking advantage of the gesture and became laid back after. That ship has long sailed.

I’m not saying that I can’t support my husband. If life happens and somehow I find myself earning more than him, of course, I would step up but at the same time allow him to play his role as a provider as much as he can until he stabilises. 

P.S.: Shoutout to my colleagues who contributed to this piece unintentionally. I wish I could share the video version of the conversation but I didn’t get U.E’s buy-in. I’ll be sending the article link to her multiple times (just kidding).

Hey, if you’re a career or businesswoman, please watch Fair Play on Netflix, you’re welcome 

Your Fav,

Cupid’s Mouthpiece

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