When it comes to matters of the heart, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer especially when controversial issues like close friends dating one’s ex. I don’t even want to talk about a sibling dating the other sibling’s ex.
Sincerely I don’t know what my reaction will be if I find out that my friend is dating my ex. I’ve never really imagined this or taken it into serious consideration until my friend Somto I’ve known for seven years shared his story with me. Of course he wanted me to share his experience and know others views on it.
So I threw the question out to ladies and guys in their 20’s and 30’s: What will you do if you find out that your close friend is dating your ex? For the purpose of anonymity, we agreed to go by initials. Here are some of the responses:
Miss. B: I won’t even allow it? Like why my friend??? Can’t he look for love somewhere else or is he doing it deliberately to hurt me or something??? To be honest, I won’t even forgive my friend to start with. That hurts big time whether Ex or not… I feel there should be a girl’s code amongst friends for not dating each other’s EX.
Me: What if you’re already married?
Miss B: If I’m married, it won’t hurt that much. But it shouldn’t even happen.
Mr. D.J: I will feel bad. That’s a snitch move and a kinda way of breaking the Bro Code. That means he has always had the thought of dating her while we were together. A friend that dates your ex, can as well cheat with her behind you, while you were both dating.
Me: What if your friend told you about it first?
Mr. D.J: Even if they had told me first, then I might reconsider for letting me know but then one might still feel a little bit disappointed. But you know, it’s easy to say yes to their relationship when the feeling is not there anymore. But if it’s still there, then it could be difficult. I still feel it’s unhealthy like I don’t support the idea. I will feel bad. If you are my friend don’t bring my past. That’s trying to rub it in my face. There’s a reason why she’s an ex and as such, you can’t date her and still be my friend…No way.
Miss. TUN: Wish them all d best ooo, if she feels she can do better but she can’t be my close friend anymore. Seriously, I don’t have such idiots as friends. Don’t know how to handle that. Before I call someone my close friends, we share our pain, we share our joy. Close friends will have known the guy isn’t good for you anymore. They will know why you left, so I don’t think such person should be my friend sha.
Me: Some close friends ain’t really friends you know?
Miss. TUN: Yes, agree.
Mr. S.A: That may be a problem depending on how we broke up. It may be a case of her getting back at you with Ur padi. If we broke up to be friends, that may be fine. But we broke up badly and the close friend knew about the relationship, out of courtesy, he should not date the girl cos it will spoil our friendship. I honestly don’t want to see the girl again. If the close friend and my ex never met each other, I guess I will be cool but I will tell him my history with the chic and let him make his decision. After all one man’s meat is another’s poison.
LIL. AJ: I will feel bad and it depends on if my close friend told me before starting the relationship. It all depends on who the ex was to me and the reason for our break up because not all relationships are meant to end up in marriage. I might feel betrayed at some point though but if I’m married I won’t even care.
MISS.P: I will feel very bad, in fact, I will not talk to that my friend again because she is a betrayer. Is he the only man in the world can’t she look for someone else? I will act like they don’t exist.
UC: I will feel bad na. Even if you wanna let go anytime you remember you will feel bad. Haba we are humans. Well for me, I won’t be close to her again. Doesn’t mean we are keeping grudges but I will just free her.
Me: Someone said if you’ve moved on you won’t even be bothered.
UC: I agree. But I won’t be close to her again. Yeah, I will move on and forget them, let them enjoy. That means they have been seeing behind me.
Lady F: Betrayed gan o. That’s life enmity.
Me: Even if you don’t love the guy anymore?
Lady F: There’s nothing like not loving him anymore biko. I’m very stingy.
Mr. E- I don’t see anything there. I would just let him know what to look out for in her. In fact, I will feel sorry for him.
But really why should my close friend date my ex? Whether I’m happily married or not it just doesn’t make sense to me. People see things in different ways though. Has this happened to you? Please feel free to share your views and how you handled it.
What about exes that recommend their close friends to their ex?