Feel free to judge me, because I deserve it.

My younger sister’s boyfriend Victor, and I were good friends for about three years before my sister came into the picture. We met at a friend’s party and ever since we maintained a cordial relationship. We hung out occasionally, went to the cinema a couple of times and he introduced me to some of his close friends.

He never asked me out and I assumed that he just wanted a platonic relationship with me. In all sincerity, I wasn’t emotionally available to be in a relationship. I had told him about my last breakup shortly after we became friends. He told me that he was ready to get into a serious relationship, but he hadn’t met the right woman.

One day, I invited Victor as my plus one to one of my family friend’s birthday party and introduced him to my younger sister. I left them to catch up with our family friend B.O and some of his friends I hadn’t seen in a long while and completely forgot about my friend. Later that night after the party, my sister asked me if I was romantically involved with Victor and my response was no. She told me she liked him, but she wanted to be sure that there was nothing between us.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t feel any type of way then. I even initiated the conversation with my friend and before I knew what was going on, they started dating. Everything seemed to be going on smoothly between them until my sister confided in me about their relationship issues.

My younger sister and I were very close, with three years age difference between us. Most people thought that she was older judging from her physical attributes – she was taller and had a bigger body frame. Her boyfriend Victor had started complaining about her body size and sometimes used me as a comparison. Initially, she wasn’t upset until he blurted out that he never imagined himself getting married to a plus sized woman! I didn’t know how to react.

I realised that I was in love with Victor shortly after he and my sister started dating officially. He kept his distance, and we didn’t speak or hang out as we used to, which was expected. I began to resent my sister for taking ‘’my man’’ away from me and secretly wished that they broke up. My jealousy grew more anytime she shared their love stories. Most of the time, I pretended to be very busy anytime she wanted us to gist because I knew that it wouldn’t be complete without her talking about their relationship.

I did something terrible. I advised her to break up with him. Why should she allow body shaming? Didn’t he see that she was chubby before asking her out? She listened to me. After all her big sister loved her and wanted the best for her. I told her that I was going to speak to him and give him a piece of my mind. No, I was going to seduce him. I knew had feelings for me even back then as friends, but he wasn’t my spec and I used being unemotionally available to prevent him from asking me out while I enjoyed the girlfriend benefits as just a friend.

Barely three months after Victor and my sister broke up, we began to see each other secretly until one of my sister’s friends caught us kissing at the parking lot at Shiro Restaurant. Hell was let loose that day as my mother got involved. I was called unprintable names.

It’s been two years now and my sister is already engaged, her wedding will be in November. I’ve been asking for her forgiveness, but she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me even though she claims to have forgiven me and had told me to go ahead with the relationship after Victor had opened up to her that he had been in love with me before they started dating.

Victor and I continued our relationship a few months after the ugly incident until this January when I discovered that he would be relocating to the UK in June, and he never mentioned it to me. I feel so cheated.

Story for Confession Corner on Nelly’s Diary

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