Does Age Really Matter in a Relationship?


Age is just but a number

Most people are quick to say age is just but a number. I don’t think that’s totally true. Age does determine a lot of things especially if you intend going into a serious relationship, leading to marriage.

Back in the years, men married women almost half their ages and my parents are no exception. My dad actually gave my mum fifteen good years. I still cringe at the thought of that and one of the reasons he mentioned was because of respect.

While growing up, I crushed on guys way older than I was, real life crushes, TV crushes to the extent that my mum teased that I was going to marry a man old enough to be my dad as long as he is handsome. It is funny how my taste in men ‘appreciated’ or should I say ‘depreciated’. I stopped fancying guys who are several years older. The wider the age gap, the scarier I become. I’ve never dated anyone older than two years and the person that would have broken the record… Thank God we didn’t happen!

Now it seems that things have changed, or should I say an unseen upgraded standard has been set. Call it westernization or so called exposure, whatever it is, people now see age as nothing but a number- some people actually.


Can you marry a guy you are older than?

If you had asked me this question five years back or even three years ago, my answer would have been a resounding NO! That is because it feels so out of the norm here. The wider the age gap the better most people still argue. My perception changed in 2016, I met someone who was amazing and we became friends. Then we found out I was two years older. It changed everything… Even though he was fine with it, I wasn’t. It didn’t end there, I’ve met someone who is four years younger which is definitely a no go area for me. Some really awkward situations if you ask me. Funny thing is these guys are cool with it. In all fairness, these younger guys act more maturely than most guys in their late 30’s or mid 40’s and seem to know what they want although someone pointed out to me that they could just be dwelling on the fantasy of dating someone older- you can’t overlook that possibility.

does age really matter in relationships

Guys, can you marry a lady older than you? If yes, what age difference is acceptable?

Ifeanyi- Please oh, if the age gap is wide maybe like five years and above is a no go area for me. Age really matters a lot in relationships. Imagine a 34 years old man dating a 43 years old woman. There are a lot of things to consider. Her physical appearance, childbirth and menopause and even her circle of friends. The same applies to a guy who wants to marry a lady ten years younger or more. Can they have meaningful conversations without misunderstanding each other, are their thoughts, plans and lifestyle aligned? Trust me, the tendency that one of the partners would be unhappy due to any of these will be there.

Seun- Hmmm. I have never really had issues with age difference when it comes to casual relationships. Marriage is a different ball game entirely. It depends on the age gap and if the lady in question is level headed and would give me my due respect. Why not? As long as it’s not more than four years. Although some men still go for this wide age gap for reasons best known to them.

Stanley- No I can’t. Women age way faster than men. Don’t want to end up later in years with my wife looking like my mother. You know how childbirth can change a woman’s body.

Hassan- Yes I can but I won’t let my family know. You know how African parents can be considering the age gaps in marriage in their own time. There will really be a lot to consider depending on the age difference. Anything between 1-2 years works fine for me.

Idahosa- Older ladies are easier to deal with probably because they have seen it all. There are exceptions to the rule though and I’m not trying to talk down the younger ladies. The thing with us guys is that we are moved by what we see. A much younger lady maybe between her early 20’s to mid 20’s look more appealing physically compared to those in their 30’s and above. Please don’t get me wrong, I mean generally, before some people come out for me here. I can marry someone older than me but she must be extra. She must be good looking, have established herself in her chosen career or business, and respect me as her husband.

Ladies can you marry a guy younger than you? What age gap is acceptable?

Mary- We can’t choose who the heart chooses to fall in love with. Love doesn’t care if someone is older or younger but we do maybe because the society we find ourselves in stigmatizes relationships where the lady is older. Well, I think I can as long as it is not more than three years.

Idi- I would consider the maturity level of the guy before shutting the door on the chance of love. I have dated someone younger than I am with almost two years and that was a long time ago. I always advise people not to allow the attached age difference cloud their decision.

Hadiza- Big question. I don’t think I can. I want to marry someone older than me. I feel a guy way older would be more emotionally matured unlike the younger guys that are still enjoying life and end up giving you headache even if you end up getting married.

Ronke- Age is not maturity even though it is expected. I have seen guys in their late 30’s or early 40’s clueless about what they want in a woman not to talk of settling down while a guy in his late 20’s or early 30’s already has that figured out. As long as the guy is matured enough emotionally and psychologically, I can marry him.

Nkechi- I am married to a man three years younger than I am. Initially I was skeptical about the relationship but he stood his ground even when his family were against it. I’ve even forgotten that I’m older because I give him the respect that he deserves. Nobody even mentions it, at least not in my presence. It depends on the people involved.

Kaka- As a lady marrying a younger man isn’t popularly embraced here. Most times people say that when a man marries an older lady he is up to something; a gold digger. Well maybe that’s the perception because most times a guy can marry an older lady that is doing well financially. I don’t think I can marry a man I am older than. Women are more emotionally developed than men of the same age;  then imagine marrying a man I am older than. I don’t want to play mummy roles to a man please.

Vicky- I can as long as it is not more than two years and he doesn’t look younger than me, very important.

There are so many things to consider when settling down and age is definitely one of them. What matters is the love and mutual respect and commitment between the people involved. There is really no one size fits all in the issues of the heart. I hope we all end up with our soul mates.

P.S: Please leave your comments and feedback in the comment section, let’s know your opinion.

Chinyelu Adum is a blend of several traits- fun lover, fashion enthusiast, picture freak, a creative content writer and SEO consultant.

17 comments On Does Age Really Matter in a Relationship?

  • Obviously, legally yes. Most adults tend to have the characteristics of a child whilst a child that of an adult. If I am a guy in love with a lady of 20 and am fine to marry her, why not!! If she has the maturity to understand life much better than older women, Yes I will.
    I agree with Stanley totally. I have seen videos of women who are mothers nude and the sites are not very pretty due to births, but a younger lady takes years to transform to such looks and thus reduces the aging look of a mother.
    I on my own personal self is in love with a younger lady and we have a good connection, sometimes her IQ surprises me and I smile to how lucky I am.

  • Kelvin Ikechukwu Ugoh

    I think Age being a Number is just a cliche that’s rooted in wishful thinking than logic.
    Age is more, its a signal for a lot of things and just pushing it aside will come back to bite you later.

    I will marry my mate, but not a lady even a month older than me. PERCEPTION is reality, and I live in an environment where Age means wiser, stronger, more matured (Not always the case).

    If I made an error in judgement will my significant other think “if only he were older” or just think “shit happens”? Is there going to be a slight hint of the fact that it would always matter?
    My money is on the former.
    These things are not that deep but I’d rather not be in the situation where it becomes a consideration.

    There’s a pool of billions of younger women out there, more are being born every day; I’ll take my chances with them.

    Moreover, as i get older the pool increases – pun intended.

  • The older ladies I have dated made more sense to me. Leas drama for a guy that runs away from drama most of the time

  • Obviously, it does matter.
    The only reason we go into a relationship is happiness. However, it’s important one think with his/her head while doing that.
    If I am dating a lady older than me, the first question I will ask is;
    I am happy? If the answer is yes, the second question is to found out if her age might affect her chances of bearing children.
    If these questions wouldn’t hunt me tomorrow, I think I cool dating someone older than me.

  • I think I can be in a relationship with a lady older than me. Older lady are peaceful less dramma. They act more maturely. But 2yrrs difference is not a big deal.

  • I don’t think I can marry a guy I’m older than. Me I don’t have respect self 😂. Well truthfully if I have to do dat, it’s either we are age mates or I’m a year older than he is. Nothing less. And he has to b able to tolerate me n my drama

  • Tbh it really doesn’t matter, as long as there is mutual respect and each partner understand their role in the relationship… But you see ehn, marrying your mate is sweeter, you can abuse each other without feeling guilty 😂… And you just generally enjoy the relationship…

  • In my opinion, age really matters. I have dated ladies younger than me due to the normal stigma and norm of it and I find out that they were not ready for serious relationship with the excuse of self-discovery and enjoyment of life.

    Also dating ladies older than me, tend to be difficult, cliche; having the tendency to claim rights over you in terms of financial control and emotional control. For them to be single at such age, the older ones, shows that they have not been able to find someone wanting or needful for them, so once they are above thirty without hope of settling down anyone younger is up for manipulation because they know they have no use for you, this can even affect those they are younger than. This mentality also has an effect to the young ones. I believe this is so because they both haven’t reach the peak age of been worried about been single for life.

    So in conclusion, I think a year gap is better, regardless if I am older or younger, and manageable and less disappointing.

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