The Purpose of Courtship

Courtship is when partners develop romantic relationship with the aim of getting to know each other better before marriage.

Courtship is a time to grow in a relationship. It is not a series of dates without direction. Courtship should be an exciting and fun stage to grow individually and as a couple.

Is there a perfect duration for courtship?

Nelly’s Diary took the liberty of asking some married men and women who willingly shared their opinions.

How long should courtship last?

Mr. Peter: Courtship shouldn’t be more than five years otherwise one or both parties may lose interest. People have courted for more than six years and didn’t end up getting married.

Mr. Okwudili: Depends on the people involved and how matured they are. Understanding plays a crucial role in courtship. The duration of courtship should be discussed by the partners as certain factors can lead to long courtship such as finances, education, age or even family interference.

Mrs. Alade: Courtship shouldn’t be too long or too short. Anything between six months to two years is fine. Personally I would say two years max because it gives you time to study someone.

Engr. Kay: If they have been friends for long, maybe 3-6 months or even 1 year would suffice. Although there are some exceptional cases where people court for 2-3 months and tie the nuptial knot. I would say the duration of the courtship depends on the people involved.

Mrs. Ebele: It depends on the ages of the partners. For those in their 20’s, it shouldn’t be more than three years to avoid distraction. For the older partners, courtship shouldn’t be more than a year.

Mr. Kingsley: Hmmm, the gospel truth is that money plays a great role in relationships and also affects the duration of courtship. Most guys are physically, emotionally and psychologically ready for marriage but are limited financially. A man has a lot to put in order before he even thinks of settling down. How much is he earning as a career person? How well is his business booming? Not to talk of other basic amenities like house rent, feeding and even owning a car which seems like a luxury in this part of the world. Most times long courtship is due to financial limitations. All things being equal, my take is, courtship should last between six months to two years.

Mrs. O: No matter how long a courtship is, even if you like date for ten years, you can never know everything about your partner until you are married. If you intend to save sex until marriage, it is advisable to avoid long courtship besides long courtship can lead to uncertainties at some point. I would say, max of one year.

Dr. Chris: There is no one size fits all in courtship. I feel when the partners are ready and matured enough, what should be stopping them from getting married? The success of a marriage depends mostly on the level of understanding between the partners.

Mr. Theo: I would advise focusing on developing deep friendship that could lead to marriage and this is not based on how long the courtship lasts.

Mr. Ojay: With the rate of marriage failures these days, I’ve come to realize that the duration of courtship doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage but the people involved. Come to think of it, some of our parents didn’t even know each other before they married and yet they had successful homes. I don’t subscribe to that though. The point that I am trying to buttress is that you can court someone for one month and decide to settle down with this person. The main purpose of courtship is to get to know each other and see how compatible you are physically, emotionally, financially and relationally.

Mrs. Bolanle: Some guys use courtship to waste ladies time even when they know they are not ready. I once dated a guy and he told me to give him two years to put things in order and before I knew what was happening, I found myself single again after bros started coming up with one excuse after another. Any marriageable guy asking for two years courtship is simply a time waster and a fluke. Once a man is ready and sees the woman he wants to settle down with, he knows and does everything possible not to keep her waiting. He doesn’t need prompting or an extra push. I courted my husband for almost five months and we are happily married. This year would be my sixth wedding anniversary.

While some marital experts argue that two years courtship is ideal which is like the general rule of thumb. I belong to the school of thought that there is no hard-and-fast rule about how long a courtship should last. Instead the focus should be on the character of the people involved, how often they see each other, how intentional they are about discovering their level of compatibility. I agree courtship shouldn’t be too short or too long, and support anything between six months to two years.

What are your thoughts? Please let us know in the comment section on the blog.

Cheers!