Last week Saturday, I got up from my bed with a resolve to get an alternative source of power – a generator. I would have preferred a solar panel or inverter but these options are costly! These days, the Nigerian maths of saving towards a need is no longer mathing. The exchange rate – Dollars/Pounds has decided to hold the Naira by the balls.

As a rule, I check e-commerce platforms like Konga or Jumia to compare the prices of electronics before heading out to the physical stores. The prices were ridiculously high. What should I do? 

Before now, I had no reason to get any alternative source of power. I used to enjoy good power supply where I live before the collapsing power grid episodes began, the nth time in 2023. Why didn’t I just buy a Gen then as La Kez, my immediate and closest sibling advised?

Just buy it. Even though you think you don’t need it now. The way the exchange rate is going, I doubt if it will ever come down. Prices hardly go down too.

But I did the girl maths and decided to buy a wig as an end-of-the-year gift (a justification I still maintain whenever I wear the wig). A decision I questioned when the heat became unbearable.

I should have just bought the gen instead of getting a wig. I said aloud to myself one day when I got back home from work, all grumpy from the heat after I took off the wig from my head. Did I say took off? I flung it. I would have had some change left if I had bought the gen instead of the hair. No need to cry over spilled milk.

I wanted to wait till the end of the month before getting a generator but remembered that prices are no longer constant (k) in the country I live in. Everywhere Debit. Debit. Debit.

I got to the Haier Thermocool store in Surulere and my friend Jesse met up with me there. I needed someone I could faint on after swiping my card. Oh, I forgot to mention that I had planned on touring West Africa after I renewed my passport in late November, last year. I have already inquired with a tour agency after I saw an ad on IG to Visit Benin & Togo in Easter.

The conundrum. I wanted to travel but I also needed a generator.

Would you rather travel and return to darkness? That was Jesse’s response when I shared my predicament with him.

If there’s anything you need and it is important, just buy it. Waiting will cost you more. Even if it means taking the money from your savings. La Kez said to me when we spoke on WhatsApp video call. I wanted to show him the generator I had settled for although he had recommended a Sumec Firman but I bought a TEC Haier Thermocool instead.

Hmmmm…

I felt cold chills as soon as I got the debit alert from my bank. I NEED TO BE A TROPHY WIFE.

I’ve not started using the generator yet. Ironically, the electricity supply seems to be improving. My Benin and Togo is just somewhere in my living room waiting for me to call the gen guy to make the connection.

I am tired of being an independent career woman. I want to be a trophy wife

I typed these words on ChatGPT on Wednesday, during my lunch break. Enough is Enough. The following dialogue ensued between my AI bestie and me.

ChatGPT: Becoming a “trophy wife” is often associated with being in a high-profile relationship and presenting an image of glamour and success. If you’re considering this lifestyle, here are some general tips. However, it’s important to remember that personal fulfillment and happiness should be the primary goals, and the term “trophy wife” can carry certain stereotypes that may not align with everyone’s values. You may need to consider these before making any decision.

Me: Okay. I’m all eyes.

ChatGPT: Physical Appearance:

• Take care of your physical health and appearance.
• Maintain a stylish wardrobe.
• Stay fit and adopt a healthy lifestyle.

Me: Checked ✓. Have you met me?

ChatGPT: Social Skills:

• Develop strong social skills to navigate high-profile events.
• Cultivate grace, poise, and confidence.
• Learn to engage in interesting conversations.

Me:  Hmmmm. Must I attend these events? Why can’t he just bump into me? Sweep me off my feet? You get the point.

ChatGPT: Education and Intelligence:

• Intellectual curiosity and continuous learning can add depth to your personality.
• Stay informed about current events and have opinions on various topics.

Me: Checked ✓. As long as we’re not discussing the exchange rate.

ChatGPT: Cultural Awareness:

• Be aware of cultural nuances, especially if you’re engaging in high-society events.
• Familiarize yourself with art, music, and other cultural interests.

Me: Please don’t stress me. I just want to be on sponsored vacation and pray for my husband on NSPPD every morning on the weekdays. 

ChatGPT: Supportive Partner:

• Build a strong and supportive relationship with your partner.
• Understand their career and interests and be a positive influence in their life.

Me: Great. I hope we’re on the same page.

ChatGPT: Financial Literacy:

• Be financially literate, even if your partner handles the finances.
• Understand investments, budgeting, and other financial aspects.

Me: Let me worry about this.

ChatGPT: Community Involvement:

• Participate in philanthropic activities and charity events.
• Be involved in the community to build a positive public image.

Me: Don’t stress me, please.

ChatGPT: Maintain Independence:

While embracing the role of a supportive partner, ensure you maintain some level of independence and personal fulfillment.

Me: I’ve been there and done that. Next!

ChatGPT: Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and what matters most is your own happiness and well-being. If you’re uncertain about such a decision, it could be helpful to speak with a career counselor, life coach, or a trusted friend or family member for guidance.

Me: I don’t understand. I expected you to send a profile of the man who can make this happen. These recommendations ( speaking with a career counsellor, coach, or trusted friend or family member for guidance?), Ko ye mi. You’ve got to be kidding me at this point. 

Someone should please come through with better suggestions. This is a critical situation.

NB: I just left the independent women group chat. 

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