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Keeping Long Distance Relationship
When it comes to getting involved in long distance relationships, most people tend to have reservations which is quite understandable. Some school of thought don’t believe such relationship will be taken seriously by the people involved. I’ve heard of instances were people involved in long distance relationship are also actively involved in another relationship where they are based.
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My primary love language is quality time followed by physical touch. I love to hug and cuddle so I can’t imagine getting into a long distance relationship in the first place.
I had interesting conversations on this topic but I’m only going to share two experiences.
Bisola- I remember when I saw my then boyfriend to the international airport. We hugged and kissed as I bade him farewell. The tears in my eyes wasn’t because I was missing him already but because I knew that was the end of us. I wasn’t going to stay back here and hope that Kola would come back for me. That was mere wishful thinking.
I had always known that Kola had plans to travel to the United States. All his family members were already there for about five years. He would have relocated with them but for his good job. He worked in a software technology company and was well paid. What was the need to relocate when he was living a very comfortable lifestyle in Nigeria. He travelled to visit his family every year among other vacations. I met Kola three years after his family relocated to the United States. He assured me that he wasn’t ready or willing to relocate to the US unless he had a much better job offer and of course he wouldn’t want to leave me here as he also didn’t fancy long distance relationships.
A year into my relationship with Kola, his family began to mount pressure on him to join them in the US. His father wanted him to proceed with his PhD plus he had already began to apply to some companies in the United States. He expressed his parents concern to me. I wasn’t banking on relocating with him. He never even mentioned the possibility. It was time to let go. I cried but he kept reassuring me that he was going nowhere but his family had a stronger hold. He succumbed to their demands. Plus he had a mouth-watering job offer that would involve him travel to Canada, Mexico and Australia.
Well, I did hear from Kola for three months after which he broke the not surprising breakup. I began to move on when I knew his travel plans had pulled through. Our conversation since he left Nigeria was just like friends checking up on each other- my moving on strategy. I was heartbroken but already prepared.
I’ve heard some people say they prefer long distance relationship. I remember a former colleague’s reason was because he wanted time to focus on his work and having his partner close was going to distract him.
Another friend stated expressly that she couldn’t handle long distance relationship due to trust issues.
There’s an interesting view from one of my school mates and friend.
Ifeanyi- Long distance relationship isn’t easy at all. At some point it felt like it wasn’t going to work. Well not from my angle but from my girlfriend then. I already knew what I wanted which was her and I didn’t fail to express my desire to be with her, not just by words. For me it was easier because we had some great memories, which I call footprints before I relocated to Australia.
You know how it is, especially the pressure on the woman. My woman was worried but I kept reassuring her that I was totally committed to her. We talked for hours everyday. I allowed her hangout with friends. Thank God for social media and technology. We did a lot of video calls, went on dates on several occasions via video calls, so it felt like we were together the only difference was the physical presence.
On my own part I avoided female friends and unnecessary communication with other women. I ensured whatever relationship I had with other females was strictly official. I didn’t even allow them visit not to talk of visiting or hanging out with girls. That was my own way of avoiding temptation and unnecessary comparison. Believe me, there are beautiful girls there and also intelligent ones as well. I know that there will always be someone better than my partner no matter how beautiful, intelligent and well behaved she is.
I focused more on my business and giving her a very big wedding that we would both be proud of. I’m glad that at the end I was finally able to come back and married her against all odds- after five years, although I came back to Nigeria a year before we finally got married. So long distance relationship can work out if the people involved are real to themselves and committed. It is much easier if they’ve spent some time together before the distance.
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If you are already in a long distance relationship or intend starting one, then this is for you.
How to Make Long Distance Relationship Work
1. Avoid excessive communication – This can choke the other person and make you look possessive. Many people think that spending so much hours on communication can compensate for the distance. This can be tiring in the long run.
2. Be creative – Try to update your partner with events happening in your life no matter how trivial it seems. Send pictures, audio notes and engage in picnics, take a walk together, do online shopping together and buy each other gifts. Just as Ifeanyi suggested, hangout at a restaurant via video call from time to time.
3. Be open to each other – Inform your partner if you would be hanging out with friends, seeing a late night movie with a friend or even night clubbing. This is to avoid your partner from worrying about you and even being suspicious. Also avoid the temptation of hanging out with people who are flirting with you or want something more with you. Avoid situations that would make your partner doubt your loyalty and love.
4. Visit each other – Make out time to visit each other. You can both meet at another location for a vacation, you can even either travel to meet your partner or invite your partner over. This will need adequate planning for this to be possible.
5. Set a timeline – Long distance relationship cannot be forever. At some point there would be the need to settle down. It is important to define the duration of the relationship and work towards it. Research shows that long distance relationships are more satisfying and less stressful once the people involved understand that it’s only temporary.
6. Trust– Trust is one of the most important factors in making a relationship last. Building trust goes both ways. Trust can be broken in several ways, not just in sexual infidelity. Can you count on your partner? Do you believe whatever they tell you? Can your partner also trust you?
7. Be sexy with each other – Talk sexy with each other or phone calls or chats. Talk about things you find sexually attractive about each other to keep the fire burning. Desiring each other sexually is like a glue that keeps a relationship together. Continue for more tips
Long distance relationship isn’t just for people dating. Some married couples also find themselves in this situation for several reasons like a new job, business travels, or relocating to a new region for a fresh start. Whatever is the reason for the long distance, it shouldn’t be a death sentence to the relationship if both partners are intentional towards making it work.
Are you in a long distance relationship? We would like to know how you’ve kept the flame burning despite the distance? Will you consider a long distance relationship?