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2020 has been a roller coaster of a year but we are thankful for life and hopeful for a better 2021 where we can live our normal lives without certain restrictions.

While I was brooding over my cancelled detty December plans ( I’m not even in the mood to even talk about that), married people decided to tension the internet with pictures with matching pyjamas and Christmas tree sending from mine to yours Christmas messages. 

I’m not even going to talk about the wedding wave betrayal immediately after the lockdown was lifted. I thought we agreed that we were shifting anything love to 2021- anyways, big congratulations to those who got married despite the pandemic!

Now for the association of the loyal single people who decided to stick to the plan and allow cupid to have its way in 2021, this is for you – Don’t skip the talking stage if you’re considering getting into a serious relationship.

Meeting new people can be very exciting but it gets to a point where it gets tiring. For God’s sake how many talking stages do we have to pass through before we end up finally with the one? Most of us have been there so don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about *rolling the eyes*.

How long should you be in a talking stage?

The talking stage is the period where two people (a man and woman) get to know each other. It is at this stage that you decide whether or not you want to take the next step- getting into a relationship. Just as the name it implies, this period involves a lot of talking; texting and calls from both sides. Attraction usually builds within this period with talking every day. It is normal that you become so comfortable with each other and start feeling entitled to the person’s time and attention and just maybe develop some feelings.

Defining the relationship is a conversation that is essential at this stage. In order to save yourselves the confusion, it’s best to make your intentions early enough. Now the clause is how early? What works for X may not work for Y.

Personally, I tune off immediately a guy tells me his intentions in our first interactions. While he may be sincere about his intentions, it does come off as a red flag. What makes him so certain that I will be a suitable partner for him without getting to know me properly at least for a period of time? So how long should the talking stage last? According to a relationship expert, it’s socially acceptable to broach the subject after two months.

Anyone can make intentions clear here. Determining the real intent here is not gender-based. You can declare your feelings and if the other person isn’t sure of what they want or doesn’t feel exactly the same way as you do, take your L with pride. At least you have dodged the bullet of heartbreak! Now you see the reason declaring your intentions early enough is super important before you get so emotionally invested.

From experience you can already tell that the talking stage doesn’t always lead to a relationship. In all honesty, after being in a series of talking stages, I can only say that a failed talking stage can be exhausting starting all over again…but we mooooovvve!!! 

The Benefits of Talking Stage in Dating

Allows you know the person better: Getting to know someone takes time. I’ll advise you not to rush the process. You can ask quiz style questions whenever you talk and let the conversation flow. In order to truly get to know someone, you’ve got to talk to them. This includes phone calls and messages. If you’ve not figured it out already, calls facilitate the talking stage more than any other form of communication.

 Allows you to express your honest feelings and emotions: You really have nothing to lose by letting the other person know how you feel. It is very important to express your concerns if things aren’t going as expected or you don’t see anything serious happening between the both of you. Don’t shy away from expressing your true self. Talk about your life, your aspirations, your hobbies and even your flaws etc. Also remember that it is perfectly normal to have differences just as long as they are respected in the same way that similarities are.

You get to observe the red flags: Listen to your guts. If something doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t. If you’ve got some relationship deal breakers or if it’s clear that the both of you are incompatible, you’ll need to stop talking to this person instead of just leading them on. That would be plain wickedness.

Don’t underestimate the power of the talking stage where relationships are concerned. See this period as an adventure and enjoy the process of getting to know the other person instead of just sliding into a relationship that may fizzle out with time just because you were impatient or lonely.

Let me know what you think in the comment section. Thanks for reading, commenting and following. You guys are the real MVPs.

P.S- Don’t forget to hit the subscribe button. I’ll be sharing some juicy conversations that may not make it to the blog *Winks*

Nelly’s Diary is on Instagram; @nellysdiary and on Twitter @NellysDiary.