Relationship Red Flags

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship as all relationships have ups and downs. We live in an Instagram age with so many #RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoals on social media many of which are actually just an act.

Yeah, we all know the mushy feelings associated with falling in love or being in love. You blush silly just at the thought or mention of that person and you can’t seem to get enough of each other when you are together or when you talk on the phone.

Everything seemed to be going fine until suddenly…

It’s only but natural that when you meet someone you are attracted to; you present your best self. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you are pretending, it’s more like giving your best to get to know the other person and not losing yourself completely to get comfortable with that person until your true nature begins to present itself. That is when you should watch out for those signs that spell potential danger in a relationship, also known as relationship red flags.

Here are some relationship red flags to look out for if you want to enjoy a long-lasting healthy relationship

You Don’t Trust Your Partner

Trust is earned and when you are about getting into a relationship getting to trust someone can be very challenging especially if you had some unpleasant experiences in your previous relationship. The truth is without trust, there is no relationship. You should feel safe and at ease. You don’t feel the need to sneak into your partner’s phone or question every of their whereabouts. That is exhausting. One of my senior cousins once told me “If you want to live long, avoid going through your partner’s phone. You would most likely see something you won’t like. He may not be cheating but then …

If you don’t believe whatever your partner tells you or are always questioning whatever he/she tells you, or you just have a gut feeling and just can’t trust that person that spells danger. Sometimes there may be reasons not to trust your partner, probably there was an instance of cheating or lies which is enough to question some motives and leave you in doubt. If this is something you cannot deal with, it is better you let go of that relationship. You don’t want to spend your life constantly on the lookout.

A Controlling Partner 
If your partner controls where you go, who you talk with or go out with and even goes as far as making you choose between he/her or your loved ones, you are definitely in an unhealthy and destructive relationship and it’s surely a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore as it would always get worse. You will only end up feeling lonely and very distant from your loved ones in the long run if you continue with that relationship. Everyone deserves their freedom.

Lack of Connection

Connection is key for any serious relationship. Now connection here goes way beyond sex. You need to know who this person really is, what he/she dreams, strengths and weaknesses are. At this point, you need to be honest with each other. Knowing the basics about someone isn’t knowing who they are. If you know the same things about your partner as most of the other people in their, then you don’t have much depth of connection.

Not Emotionally Available
If your partner is emotionally unavailable most of the time and especially when you are in need of someone to be there for you, this could be a relationship red flag. Your partner needs to be someone who you can depend on and talk to when the need arises. If you cannot rely on your partner in your time of need, this is a big relationship red flag you shouldn’t ignore.

The Person Treats Their Family Badly
The family are often the closest people to you and if your partner treats their own family badly, this is not a good sign at all. When someone is rude to their family, it should most likely ring alarm bells for you. Don’t be fooled to thinking that with you it would be different because it never will be in the long-term.

Lack of Respect

Respect is one of the most important element when it comes to making a relationship work. If you’re going to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must respect your partner and vice versa. Most guys I’ve asked what they expect in a relationship have mentioned respect as the first criteria. Just as most women need to feel loved and adored, men need to feel respected and admired. A man needs to feel like the man; he needs to feel respected. Men can’t stand anything that threatens his respect. Respect in this sense doesn’t mean doing everything he wants or not having a say in the relationship. No! It means respecting his boundaries. Ladies at the same time, you need to be with a partner who respects you. This means he respects you as a person: your beliefs, your aspiration, and especially your boundaries.

The Person Brings out Your Worst

A healthy relationship is supposed to bring out your best and not your worst. It should bring out the best version of yourself. It should uplift you and not bring you down. Relationships take patience and work which should lead to growth, understanding, love, and intimacy. If all your energy is spent on fights and arguments and trying to win, that’s definitely a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. A relationship won’t always feel perfect and pleasant, but overall it will help you grow into a better person, as long as you’re with a good guy who is committed to making it work and loves and appreciates you for who you are.

A Secretive Past
Another big red flag in relationships is when someone has a past that they will not share with you even after you have shared yours. If your partner is constantly hiding things from you or is not open about their past relationships, this could be a bad sign. It may be that the person is still in love with an ex or simply do not trust you enough or take you serious enough to reveal their past to you. In a healthy relationship, partners should be open with each other and discuss their past and past relationships too. This can help build trust in that relationship.

He/She Doesn’t Take Responsibility

One of the biggest relationship red flags is when someone won’t take responsibility for anything, even their actions and instead blames you,  sometimes pointing out something like a weakness that you are struggling with to justify themselves. You would end up frustrated even if that relationship leads to marriage.

A Selfish Partner

When we selflessly love people, we accept their flaws and shortcomings more readily. Selfless love accepts that ups and downs are a part of the journey. When love is selfish, it holds back where it should be given freely. Selfish love is conditional and selfish people also tend to engage in selfish love. That is, a selfish lover will only love you when you make them feel good. When you behave how they want you to, they’re the best partners ever and when you don’t, they withdraw and won’t do anything for you more like a pay back. An healthy relationship doesn’t work that way. A relationship is a partnership and it’s about working together and not one person serving the other.

Your Family And Friends Do Not Like Your Partner
Another sign that you may be in an unhealthy relationship is when your family members and friends have somethings not too pleasant to say about your partner. If one person clashes with your partner this could just be a coincidence or a personality clash. However, when all of your family and friends are warning you or commenting on certain behaviors, there may be more to the relationship than you think and could be something worth listening too to avoid stories that touch the heart.

Secretive About the Relationship
I don’t subscribe to ‘louding’ your relationship status on social media or anywhere else. It’s really nobody’s business however there is a thin line between being private and being secretive. People fall for it time and time again. If haven’t met any of your partner’s friends, you shouldn’t consider yourself in a relationship with that person.