Hey Nelly Diarians! It’s been a minute. Let’s all agree that it’s OK for me to take a long break and slide back into your lives like nothing happened – Very Demure, Very Mindful, Very Cutesy.

Wahala they say, no dey finish. NK (not real name) is in a dilemma and needs our advice.

I am in my mid-thirties and engaged to an amazing man. I am an account manager in one of the pharmaceutical companies in Lagos. 

My fiancé wants me to quit my job before we get married. We’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. Some days after he proposed, he told me I’d have to quit my job immediately after the wedding as he didn’t want to a career woman as a wife. I was taken by surprise because he never mentioned this all the while we dated. 

He has been very supportive financially and in my career. I remember one time that I really wanted to quit my job because of how stressful and demanding it is, but he encouraged me to persevere and even helped me share job offers that he thought was fit for me. He even assisted in reviewing my CV.

Asking me to resign and be a stay-at-home wife after everything doesn’t sit well with me. I asked him why the sudden change of mind and he told me that he didn’t want what happened in his parent’s marriage to repeat itself in his.

His mother was a senior banker and had no time to take care of him and his siblings. This led to his parent’s constant fights and separation. He lived with his dad while his sisters lived with their mum. They only saw during the holidays and sometimes, special family gatherings.

I don’t mind quitting my job because it is very stressful and the salary is poor. I work every day including the public holidays, except on Sundays.

I told my fiancé I would only quit my job if he sets up a business for me. I don’t want to be a stay-at-home wife, and totally financially dependent on him when we get married. He is really adamant and has given me till the end of October to quit my job or there will be no marriage. The wedding will be in November. I have told my close friends about this and they advised me to insist that he pays me at least my current salary every month. I haven’t told my family members about the current situation. My parents love my fiancé, and I fear they would take sides with him.

What should I do?

POV: I think this has always been her fiancé’s intention from the beginning of the relationship. Why did he wait until after three years and getting engaged before letting her know he wanted a stay-at-home wife? What did they discuss during the talking stage and even six months into the relationship – some people even get married within six months of courtship?

The ball is in her court. She had previously considered quitting but I have reservations about the marriage requirement.

What advice do you have for her? She will be reading in the comment section and hopefully be able to make the best decision.

I’ll be back in a jiffy. I promise!!!

P.S: Someone who would rather stay anonymous just shared this via DM.

HE is not ready for marriage. He needs to heal. If he’s projecting that on her, what other trauma will he project on her in the future? I think this is what she should be looking at, especially given the fact that it never came up once until now. He’s not marrying a wife, he’s marrying the mum he never had.

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